Better make the Right One

Growing old never meant growing wiser. I've done my fair share of errors in life. I can only regret most of them now.

You might have come across the game, The Walking Dead by Telltale Games in your phone or tablet. Season 1's protagonist is Lee Everett, a convict who seems to have been given a second chance by the zombie apocalypse.

"When you look back, you think you have a choice. But you don't." -Lee Everett 

I look back, like everyone else. I bear in mind this thought that was given to me. It's given me strength to accept things I have done so far. Most of them, things that have affected people close to me. People that matters most.

I look back to 22 years of mistakes, achievements, laughters, grieving, friendship, love and life. I've met so many people and have lost most of them along the way. I am a good friend. Or I CAN be a good friend, is the right term. Not that I choose to be an asshole, but it seems I have a way of finding myself to becoming one.

I had a friend, once told me, "Choose whatever'll make you happy." But sometimes we have to consider the people around us. Is it true that maybe, there's no future for the people who can't make sacrifices? Because I can't. Although unknowingly, I'm already hurting the people I love most. By not doing anything. By not making the right call.

Yet again, I'm trying to make an excuse for the wrong choices I have made in life. The  strength I got from these select few words is an act of saying I have no right to the people who matters most. People who loves me. When you look back, there's no more choice, what's done is done, there's only regret and pain. Choice is right now, and I better make the right one.

Pain and Death

                I can remember doing the same with the books Battle Royale and Hunger Games, Miracle in Cell No. 7 is a movie I won’t forget. As I have poured a lot of tears upon watching it.

I like watching movies, but they’re never the same as books. Books convey emotions, whatever the character feels. I like reading better than watching. Emotions are better portrayed in words, it enters the mind, then pierces the heart. Probably why the books said above made me cry. Miracle in Cell No. 7 does not need that element. The acting was so natural, the plot was so real that all you ever need is get along with the scenes. It was rich in emotion. I can say, no movie has moved me the way this one did.

Of all the things these three great stories have in common, its Death. How much does it affect us? I thought for a long time (up until now), that it is easy to die. How much do we cling to life? Not too much, I daresay, for we’re not always in the premise of death. We can take a lot of things for granted. Is life really a matter of choice? These stories certainly tells us no. They were put in the situation and no one can change it. There may be more true tales out there that are the same. War, crime, injustice, they’re everywhere. Who can say how many beats you still have there in your heart?

Is this supposed to be a reminder? What’s the lesson to be learned?

Pain is a great motivator. I have felt pain, the way the characters did in their respective stories. But I’m more afraid to lose somebody I love. José Gonzáles’ song said, “We’ll do whatever just to stay alive.” But I’d rather die than to live without the ones I love. They probably feel the same way so I hope they die first, to spare them the pain. But not too soon, I pray. I’ll follow after a week maybe, to save myself from the overwhelming pain as well. Or can we all just go at the same time? That wasn’t the case with my Mom and best friend. This I think is the main reason problems and hardships were made. Pain can shape different traits in everyone. Pain always stays. So handle it well.

I have decided long ago I’ll live to the fullest. That I’ll give importance and attention to the people that really needs them. I’m not doing a great job. So I can’t die yet.

We never really knew what’s there after death. Is there something to be afraid of? I guess fear is only for the living, along with the pain and hurting. I’ll have to find that out myself when the time comes. Not too soon, again I pray.